1. Glass-bottomed slippers are as slippery as they look
2. After several “free” drinks, you will still feel pain
3. Walking over fire will not save your soul…s – it will burn them
4. “Extra waterproof”my sunburned everything
5. Gravol is as much a liar as sunscreen
6. When you’re over 21, Pina Coladas make your feet swell up like chubby babies
7. All-inclusives only pretend to have the real thing. What they actually have is TP Zero
8. You may get shanked for your $20 towel card
9. Never bring a friend’s pristine novel on a humid, oil-filled, alcohol infused beach vacation
10. It is entirely possible to feel like there’s “nothing to eat” after a few days of 24/7, all you can eat buffet
I don’t mean to put you off, but you will slip on wet marble floors while wearing gripless flip-flops and alcohol will not make you feel better about this.
That bridge is as long as it looks and its brown, glossy paint is scorching. Wear your gripless flip-flops.
Rough waters will ruthlessly strip your allegedly waterproof SPF and eradicate any Gravol from your needy system. You will be feeding the fishes digested buffet food faster than you can say mercy.
Drinking all day will make your feet swell up like puffer fish and TP Zero is exactly what you think it is. Somehow the simple concept of card equals towel and towel equals card becomes complicated. It might be the fact that each missing card means a $20 charge. Of course at least one must go astray during your stay. This also demonstrates how desperate people are for soft, cushy toilet paper.
When a friend lends you a book that’s in mint condition, so much so that you’re questioning whether she’s even read it or not, you should leave it at home or it will definitely look like it’s been read when you hand it back…and dragged along the bottom of the ocean.
Why will you stand in front of hundreds of delicacies and feel there is nothing? Because you’ve had all you can eat. You will come home full.
While the above may not be the most upbeat of points, I feel they are things you should know. But there’s something else. Something more important. There’s no proof of the unfavorable. No photos. No videos and in a few years time, no memory of those of minor details.
11. All you will be left with is a fantastic family vacation. There’s a vast difference between what you should know and what you need to remember.