“Do you think your feet still smell when you’re dead?” All I can see is the top of his little head, hair glowing like raging fire under the warm lights above us.
My voice strangled, I half scold him; “What a thing to ask, Sam. Now is not the time.”
I instantly regret my reaction as his blue eyes turn to watery seas and his chin, a dollop of Jello. Peter’s mother stands to the side shuddering like a blanket being shaken. It’s hard to watch. Hard to comprehend. Hard to believe. It’s all just plain hard.
Peter’s skin is powdery and I can see they’ve tried to blend blush across his cheeks and up over his ears. A little of it has reached the soft, blond hair framing his face and turned it pinkish. Carmex sits thick on top of his slack lips.
He is not in a suit, but dressed in one of his favorite blue Superman shirts, the bright yellow “KA-POW!” on the front, making quite an impact on the guests. His hands are folded across his tummy, the left one, sporting a fat, wobbly, Superman style “S” had been placed on top of his right. I’d heard his mother had specifically asked them not to remove the black ink.
I grab Sam’s hand and although I’m trying not to let him see me cry, a tear darkens the red carpet as I look down to lift his chin.
“I don’t want to go any closer.” He says. “He wouldn’t want me to.”
I kneel down so we’re face to face. “You’ll regret not saying a proper good-bye, son. C’mon. I’ll be right beside you.”
He looks down again and this time, his tears make the carpet change color.
“But I already made his mom so sad. If she sees me…” His voice trails into silence but his tears get louder.
“No Sam, it’s not like that. Best friends fight. C’mon. Trust me. It’ll be alright.”
And even though I’m doing my best to sound reassuring, I am shaking inside. I have no idea how Pauline will react to us and the last thing I want is to cause more upset.
I steer him towards the coffin, but at the last minute he leaves me. I watch as he heads over to Pauline and tugs on the back of her flowered dress. She turns slowly and immediately drops to her knees.
I rush over to help her but she grabs on to Sam. Hugs him so tight I think he’ll pop open right there.
“I’m sorry, Mrs. Kerry. I didn’t meant to…” He chokes.
“Oh Sammy. Peter loved you so much. I’m so sorry you had to see what you did and I’m…” she takes a breath, “I’m so very sorry he’s gone.”
Pauline held Sam for a smidge longer, patted his eyes with her hanky and then her own and told him to go say his good-bye.
Sam and I had spent many hours since Peter’s death, discussing why it wasn’t his fault. How kids tease each other and tricking Peter into letting him draw that “S” on his hand was just a joke among friends. I’d often heard Sam tease Peter about his smelly feet and told him many times to stop even though I could tell it was all in good fun. But when Sam had drawn the “S” and then teased Peter that it stood for stinky, Sam could never have known what would happen next.
Peter had chased him out into the street, but as Sam made it to the other side, he’d turned to see his best friend being dragged along the pavement by a silver Chevy pick-up truck.
This time, as we approach the coffin, he stays on course, a determined look in his eye. We stand a moment and I stroke his hair and rub his back. I do all the things mommies do in an attempt to make-believe things better.
Having held it in for so long, I lose my battle as I watch Sammy take a black marker out of his pocket and carefully write “uperman” on Peter’s right hand.
Never know how words spoken in a youngster’s taunt can result in devastation. Very well written Hazy.
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Yeah, but Sam will hopefully end up more so feeling the loss of his buddy than the guilt of having any part of it. Friends tease each other and this was a tragic event that couldn’t have been foreseen. I wanted him to see that Peter’s mother held no ill feeling towards him and I wanted that to bring him peace.
Thank you for reading!
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wow great job!
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Thanks!
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Fascinating to explore the way a child views death and complex emotions like guilt, grief and loss – it rings true to me. Great work.
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I’m glad you were sitting around reading blogs on Saturday night while I was writing them Francis, or I would’ve been very lonely! Thank you so much and I appreciate that it rings true to a (sound) fellow writer. 🙂
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awesome! loved the “uperman” part!
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Up, up and away!
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Great read
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Thanks
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This is great. Well done 🙂
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Dianne! Are you back? Oh, how I’ve missed you! How are you?
Hey – thanks for coming back to read. I’ve always appreciated your feedback. 🙂
And…I was wondering if I could fit one more “back” into my response…??
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Haaaa Love it! 😀
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This was so amazingly emotional. As seen through a child’s view of a tragic event. So well written.
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I really appreciate that, Phil. Thank you.
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Haunting and thought-provoking. Though the plot is completely different, this made me think of John Irving’s “A Prayer for Owen Meany”. When I read that (and this), I wondered how kids process the knowledge that their actions can have such permanent effects.
In other words, you got into my head. Good job. That’s what good writing should do.
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Hey thanks, Adam. I have never read (or heard of) “A Prayer for Owen Meany” so I’m off to look that up. Eery thing is, I considered calling Sam Owen instead, but obviously stuck with Sam.
Glad I got into your head. Now I have to come up with something good again to ensure I stay there. Ha ha!!
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“A Pray for Owen Meany” is one of the best novels I’ve ever read. The horrible film, “Simon Birch” was based on it, but it strayed far from the themes of the novel and failed in any way to capture its brilliance. If you’ve seen that movie, I’m sorry, and try to forget it as much as possible before reading the book.
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LOL…I’ll try not to come across the film! But hopefully, the book and I get to cozy up.
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Dear Hazy – your words captivate me. I must confess I usually wait until there are two or three posts to “catch” up on so I can overindulge with more than one ad I am left wanting more to read after just one. The bonus – your posts are “delishous” and it’s a calorie free… I am often moved by your posts, they provoke my thoughts and I truly enjoy. Thank you for sharing your talent!
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Aww, Jennifer. It’s comments like this that inspire me to keep going. I really, really appreciate your readership and the fact that you took the time to write that down for me. THANK YOU.
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