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Archive for the ‘Non-Fiction’ Category

Your guess is as good as mine.

What could possibly keep her from practicing her passion and fortifying her future? She has been in Maui for a week, but that wouldn’t stop her. She’s more motivated than that…isn’t she? She comes from pretty tough stock and I’m sure a touch of wonderful weather and a brilliant blue bay wouldn’t hold her back.

Westin Pool

I know her pretty well and snorkeling, sunning, swimming and a few pretty Pina Coladas could not stand in her in her way.

Maui Beach 1

Pina Colada

But as I flew home with salt on my skin, sun in my heart and memories on my mind, I looked at my family and I knew, Hazy wasn’t stopping, she was simply letting me live.

Sunset

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Use, lose, choose and abuse your muse.

Do you? Any of the above, I mean.

It’s taken me a long time, years really, to acknowledge this muse thing. I don’t have one, I’d think. Ideas simply come to me. I think them up. That’s it, that’s all.

Do you? Have one, I mean.

Some people talk to them, deem them male or female, name them, feed them crumpets and tea. I’ve always felt a little left out. All this fancy literary speak and writer talk; way over my head, I’d think.

And then I looked up muse.

Muse

/myooz/

Verb

To be absorbed in thought

An instance or period of reflection

Meditate – ponder – contemplate – ruminate – think

Muse

/myooz/

Noun

A circumstance, person, place or thing, which poses an effect, positive or negative, and as such, leads to a creative work

 

It seems I haven’t been left out at all.

Have you? Paid attention, I mean.

Muse

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The powder slowly fell out of the paper envelope into the bowl, reminding me of a dump truck off-loading a pile of sand; only the dust rising from this pour was so sweet, my mouth watered at the scent.

I carefully tore open a second packet, fearful of losing even one of the tiny, tasty granules. Spinning a spoon, I methodically mixed the two flavors together making sure all was evenly dispersed.

The kettle was taking forever. I braided my hair and drew hearts on the windowpane where condensation had formed. I did a few pirouettes and slid back and forth across the sleek kitchen floor, but the kettle still hadn’t boiled.

Unable to wait any longer, I added the slightly more than lukewarm water and stirred away. Growing even more impatient, I added the cold and happily popped the mixture into the fridge.

I did some homework, brushed the dog and painted my fingernails, each one a different color, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I checked and checked again, finally deciding it was good enough.

Quivering almost as much as it was, I brought the heaping bowl up to my room. I’d waited for what felt like an eternity and I was finally about to reap the reward.

But to my surprise, it wasn’t ‘good enough’. In fact, it wasn’t any kind of good at all. It was runny and watery, not firm and wiggly. It was sour and sad, rather than joyful and jolly.

As I sat on my bed slopping the red garble around in the bowl, it didn’t take me long to figure out that greatness never comes from ‘good enough’.

Write quickly

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I am borrowing a page from the Book of Saige. Eating the bread, drinking the wine; entering the daunting Confessional. Bless me Father, it’s been never since my last confession. Is it a sin to confess when you’re not Catholic? I know you’re probably not supposed to drink the wine…

1. I shared something on my personal facebook page a few days ago. It went like this:

Marilyn Monroe....the worlds biggest icon! Her tummy isn't tightly toned, her thighs touch, her arms aren't skinny, she has stretch marks and her boobs aren't perky. She is known as one of the MOST BEAUTIFUL women in history. Be confident girls. You are HOT, you are SEXY, you are a Marilyn so do not let any man, media or moment of judgement ever take away your confidence! ♥ EL

Marilyn Monroe….the worlds biggest icon! Her tummy isn’t tightly toned, her thighs touch, her arms aren’t skinny, she has stretch marks and her boobs aren’t perky. She is known as one of the MOST BEAUTIFUL women in history. Be confident girls. You are HOT, you are SEXY, you are a Marilyn so do not let any man, media or moment of judgement ever take away your confidence! ♥ EL

Now, while I do believe the gist of this to be true, with an upcoming Maui trip as my motivator, I immediately proceeded to google ‘diets’, found one and voila, apart from the bread and wine I consumed above, I am hungry. No harm in dropping ten pounds, right? Except when you pass out on the morning of day three.

2. I write for myself, but I won’t lie. After a year, I have finally started to accumulate more than five sympathy ‘likes’ from supportive friends and my mum on some of my posts…sometimes as much as thirty-four. Yay, me!

Anyway, a person starts to depend on get used to this sort of thing and when one of my pieces only drummed up a mere four this week, it stung. Ah…don’t go running to like it, now. I get it. It blew. It’s okay. Big girl pants glued in place.

3. I want to be published. Don’t we all? However, I’m nothing but talk. I haven’t taken any steps toward making this happen since 2010. I’m ecstatic my blog has me writing regularly, but I’ve also let it distract me from my ultimate goal. Don’t get me wrong. I’m extremely happy here in the blogosphere, but I’ve let it satiate me. Apparently, I want to eat my cake and not have to bake it first.

4. I used to give my house a thorough cleaning every other day and quick wipes and swipes in between. I now give it a wipe n’ swipe every few weeks and a thorough cleaning once a, ehm, year…? Something’s wrong with this picture. If I were working steadily and regularly toward my ultimate goal, this would be understandable, but like I said…

5. We have an extra fridge in our garage and it smells like something died in there. Since it only houses sealed beverages, I’m afraid this might actually be true. I have yet to investigate since my abovementioned yearly cleaning isn’t due for at least another six months.

6. The posts I spend days hours on get less likes that the ones I whip out in hours minutes. I am not sure what this says about my writing or me. If you do, please give me hint.

7. I scraped a smattering of mold off the top of the sour cream last week and let everyone have it. Expiration dates are only suggestions, aren’t they?

8. I am a fully trained and licensed Aesthetician and have, what is probably the worst skincare routine ever. It works for me. Don’t tell anyone.

9. I douse most things in hot sauce or failing that, chili peppers. I may be known to keep one of these items in my purse at any given time, but I never, ever bring my own tea bags. Promise.

10.Smallmight be slightly autobiographical.  Just sayin’.

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So honoured to be promoted by a fellow author and blogger. Check it out and hurry, hurry…it’s set to self-destruct at midnight!  ;0)

 

Author Wednesday – Hazy Shades of Me.

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Airport Nails 2

And as if they knew it was time, the long, phony nails I’d glued on at the beginning of this trip began to pop off one by one, a rogue nail as I fumbled to silence the alarm at 4am, an escapee as I plodded sleepily through security and a rebel while I groped for change to pay for my yogurt and granola. And that’s okay, they were right. It was time.

Don’t get me wrong, make no mistake, let me be clear…insert more cliché segues here…the Sesame Street stoops, dismissed don’t walks, harried honkers and booming billboards…I’ll miss it all, fo sho. That’s for my kids. (note sarcasm) It was amazing to be a small part for a small while of a big city where dreamers do, believers become and impossible means possibility.

But as I sat on the plane looking down at my fingers and the few nails left, I thought of how they’d made me feel brave, self-assured. I’d worn them to take on New York and had begun picking them off to head home.

It made sense, really; New York had been bigger than me and I’d needed the nails. The thing about home, is I write better without them.

Wherever we are, anything is always possible. Location is irrelevant. And, so are the nails.

***

I sort of sent my last post out to fend for itself, forgetting to tag and categorize it. If you’d like to read it, it’s crying in the corner here.

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Despite the fact that it’s 2 degrees, cool is not the weather it’s the style here in NYC. That’s right folks, Hazy is in the Big Apple; a place where they have shops with names like Mint Julep, Belly Dance and Shoegasm. Ladies, be honest, you’re hot for all three. Men…well, maybe just the last two.

A city where nothing cramps creativity…unless you happen to be wearing super long, phony, glue on nails like me.  Please excuse any typos, but they do look super fab…the nails, not the typos.

I can’t put my finger on it, but this city is validating; makes you feel like you will attain whatever it is your little heart may be yearning for. Different is distinguished, quirky is quaint and weird is wild which subsequently makes for a vivacious vibe.

We should all experience that. We should all feel invincible. We all need a little New York…or maybe just some really good pasta every so often. That’s totally doable, isn’t it? Failing that, a Shoegasm would be a close second.

Alana at Bistecca Fiorentina

 

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I may embarrass myself here, but I’ll go out on a limb and assume I am not the only person in the world who didn’t know squat everything the moment I was set free to roam this earth.

I didn’t know there might not always be enough, that things aren’t always as they seem, that there isn’t a constant pillow, doors won’t always be open, love might mean pain and that you shouldn’t wear a white bra under a white shirt. C’mon, ‘fess up…there was a time when you didn’t know that either.

Christina Aguilera "Back to Basics" After Party at Marquee in New York City

But, as we grow older, we learn.

We discover what it is to be vulnerable, to fight and dig, to be damaged and repaired, to feel lost and found, to eat and be hungry. Things aren’t perfect and life isn’t a plate of endless French fries.

And, we’re learning that it’s okay.

Trials and tribulations are normal. Mistakes and misfits are par for the course. The Smarties aren’t all gonna be pink and we’re not always going to be in the front row .

Slip-ups, snafus and side streets are how we mature and thank goodness for that, or we might be in the picture alongside Christina. Tragic.

But man, that girl can blow.

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“You have another blog?” he’s stunned. “Why do I not know about this? I’m your biggest fan.”

“No,” I respond without hesitation, “definitely not. That would be my mother.”

“Well, I’m still a pretty big…”

“She doesn’t know either, if that makes you feel any better,” I shrug.

“Not really.”

“Anyway yes, I have another one,” I admit with a wave of my hand. “Just for fiction. It’s called The Wrought Writer. I thought I should separate my actual writing from my, well, babble. If you were paying attention there were clues…”

“Brilliant!” he exclaims, ignoring my innuendo. “You’re a genius!”

“Why?” Now I’m the stunned one.

Focus, of course!” Every successful venture needs focus!” He pumps his fist into the air.

“So, you don’t like my anything goes hazily themed blog?” My head tips towards my shoes.

“I do, I do! But, you should start another!”

Shouldn’t I be the excited one?

“I’m already drowning,” I confess. “I don’t think I need to add more water.”

“Definitely, another one. One with the other stuff…you know, the, babble?”

“But, that’s already on Hazy. Isn’t that kind of redundant?”

“But you somehow think putting your fiction on a separate blog is not?”

“Well, I guess it’s the same idea, but…”

“Self promotion is never redundant. Do people like your fiction more than your, um, babble posts?”

“It’s probably pretty even-steven, if I had to guess.”

“That settles it then,” he says confidently. “Go big or go home.”

And so, coinciding with my eightieth post, a few swift pushes and a shot of oxygen, at the ripe old age of forty-two, my new blog is crowning. (I knew I’d get a metaphor in there somewhere)

You’d think after branding three kids I’d know better than to open this can of worms but here goes…notions for names anyone?

Creativity is contagious Baby

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Write for yourself 2

Lying on a puce polyester couch, worn notebook propped on thigh, a gnawed nub of a pencil in hand. Just Another Day or maybe The Heart of the Matter floating through the air, perhaps the T.V. is sputtering an only occasionally heard word of Bay Watch or Chicago Hope. Wide windows, silvery sun, cobalt canvas, blanc billows, the occasional bird and me. Welcome to the seventeenth floor.

And, it was just me. No Internet, no social media. Hell, I didn’t even have a cordless phone. I was writing for me. Anyone ever reading it not even a morsel on my mind. An easy task, back in the day.

I understand the quote is bigger than this. There are complex layers beneath its simple veil. It’s saying be true to yourself, write from your heart, don’t sell your soul, undress word by word. I won’t vouch for anyone else, but I’d like to think most, if not all, writers aspire to this. Raw and real. Revealed.

But, I did take pause. Fast forward to today. Can you imagine not thinking of the public while you write? I really can’t. Like now…you’re all here with me. Our room is dimmed in tea-stained light, our toes, a touch cold. Shitty Kitty is curled up on our bed and we’re bathed in the white screen-glow of Robin Williams fighting the good fight as Mrs. Doubtfire.

What’s that you say? You didn’t want the Shitty Kitty? Yeah well, me either, but that’s neither here nor there. You’ll have to take it up with our kids. Maybe you’ll have more luck with them than I (obviously) did on the issue.

Now, where were we? Oh yes…

I write a sentence…a word…I stop. I ask you what you think. If you don’t like it, I try again. Eventually, we agree and a piece is born. It’s a harmonious working relationship, rich with compassion, fused with contentment and compromise.

I write for me, I edit for us and I surrender for the kids.

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