It’s a cozy little place, this blogosphere. At first, I was tentative, holding out. Afraid of scrutiny and criticism yes, but exposure…now that was the scary, no…terrifying, Walking Dead zombie, trapped in a sinking car, hanging off a ledge clinging to a loose rock kind of fear I had of this place…this place, that I now think of as home.
Inhibitions on the back burner, I feel excited to cast out my thoughts and words. My heart pounds as I click my stats and wait for views to appear. It skips a beat when that icon turns orange showing I have a new comment, like or follow. Yes, I admit it. I post. I wait. I hope.
But, like everyone else, I was once unsure. It’s a very bizarre conundrum; loving… longing to write but scared shitless someone might read it.
I’ve come a long way. When I was a child I scribbled stories and ripped them up, afraid, even to keep a journal. Not for fear of my thoughts being read, but that someone would know I’d been writing. The confusing feeling haunts me to this day.
A couple of years ago I did the NaNoWriMo challenge. I wrote and I wrote. It was a huge part of my life for thirty days. I could in fact say that it consumed me. But…I didn’t tell anyone. Obviously, I had to explain to my immediate family why I was less than present, but besides them and the one friend I was taking the challenge with, I told no one else. And, I did not, could not even tell those few who knew about my undertaking what I was writing about. I wrote sixty thousand words and each one of them, my spooky little secret.
I have a similar squeeze when I finish someone’s make-up. When they look in the mirror or stand in front of the camera for the first time, my body seizes and I feel despair that my art is about to be unveiled and subsequently, examined.
Now, I’m posting for the world (hardy, har, har, I wish) to see.
Yes, I’ve come a long way.
The fear has subsided. I still flush as I hit publish, much I’m sure, like a performer about to hit the stage for the…what number is this…twenty-fifth time, still slightly wet behind the ears, but bolstered. Bolstered, thanks to viewers, screaming fans, readers, commenters…pick your poison. They’re all reassuring.
One of the first people to throw my name and “writer” together was P.C. Zick and I am truly grateful to her for that. I am also very grateful (in no particular order) to the following bloggers for many different reasons; their friendship, their support, their writing, their endeavors and their honesty, just to name a few:
1. P.C. Zick http://pczick.wordpress.com/
2. Saige Wisdom http://saigewisdom.blogspot.ca/
3. Lesley Richardson http://www.standingnakedatabusstop.com/
4. Year of Austere http://yearofaustere.wordpress.com
5. Nicole Jane Home http://blog.nicolejane.com/
6. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot 4 http://whiskeytangofoxtrot4.wordpress.com/
7. Sylvia Behnish http://www.thecreativenesswithinme.blogspot.ca/
8. Lewis Thomson http://lth0ms0n.wordpress.com/
9. TK Butterfly http://teekay16.wordpress.com/
10. Rachel Carter http://rachelcarter.me/
11. Ashley Jillian http://ashleyjillian.com/
13. Bethany Lovell http://froggology.blogspot.ca/
14. Adam Martin http://livelikeagrownup.wordpress.com/
15. Carole Bell http://ringmybell-cybell.blogspot.ca/
Surprisingly, I’ve been nominated for the Inspiring Blog Award and the above fifteen bloggers are my nominees for the same. The named fifteen are now asked to pay it forward, so to speak. Write a post citing your nomination, a link to my post, fifteen nominees of your own and seven things about yourself. (although mine aren’t in bullet form, I believe I’ve woven at least seven in there somewhere, and if it’s less, don’t rat me out)
Thank you Patricia for the vote of confidence and for inspiring me to write today.
Thank you Bloggers, for overcoming whatever challenges you face in creating and relaying your craft to others. It’s an inspiration to us all.
Thank you readers, for perusing my murmurs and mutterings and making me feel like they’re worthy of a tiny piece of this sphere.